Yep. That's right. Hello from my new home. I've changed host families.
How to explain...
When this change became definite, about one month ago, I thought it would be very important to say that this was not my choice. I was somehow conditioned into thinking that choosing to change host families is a bad thing. That it translates into giving up. That it means you didn't try hard enough, and the things that didn't work out were your fault. Now I have completely changed my point of view.
AFS reccommends that you tough out any discomfort with your first host family for at least a month. Even after that, they're iffy about letting you change. If you're really really unhappy, or your family isn't feeding you or something (never happens), of course they'll let you go. However, new host families aren't always the easiest to find.
First off, recall that my old host family initially signed up to host me only for three months of my ten. Three months are up. Now, take note that I'm going to write this blog with a bit of bluntness. I remember when I was little and read student blogs I would be really confused when a post popped up filled with obscurity and lack of details that mainly said 'I live here now.' I believe that AFS students should know the hard facts about this process. They should be aware of the strong likely-hood of this occurence.
I'm not going to lie and say that the only reason I changed families was because of the end of my time limit. My family and I, we just...didn't get along. At the beginning, our main problems were lack of communication by both parties, the resistence to not appear perfect at all times, my lack of language skills, and the fact that basically the only reason they chose to host me was to learn English. We did stupid things that grew and grew and finally, a month later, when we didn't address our problems, exploded.
For example, I always arrived at breakfast fully dressed. I didn't know if I should wear my pajamas or not. I didn't ask. After awhile it got awkward. Honestly, my Spanish was so bad, I don't thing I could have gotten the question across. But my mind was set on always speaking in Spanish for learning more quickly. My host family always wanted to speak English with me. I didn't. When I joked my way into making them speak with me only in Spanish, they stopped talking to me all together. That was weird.
Later on, I tried and tried and tried to salvage our relationship. Asked how their day was. Made them Brownies. Even spoke in English with them (my Spanish suffered).
It didn't catch. The kids and I weren't friends, and our views and lifestyles were too different to mingle. My second month they sat me down and said, 'look, you're going to leave next month.' And that was that. We had sort of been talking about me maybe staying longer, but there were all these complications that are or are not excuses. I will never know.
My last week was--remember, I'm not holding back--pretty awful. We yelled and fought a lot. No one was happy. I was waiting to go.
After about a month of hard searching on AFS's part, we found a wonderful new family. That's where I am now.
I'm living in Las Rozas, a well-known little shopping town twenty minutes outside of Madrid. I have a Mother, a Father, a Sister, 23, and a Brother, 18. I could not be happier here. I love my host family so much. I arrived a little more than a week ago, but I feel like I've know my family my whole life. They are the most caring, sweetest, most welcoming people I have ever met. Thank you so so much for taking me in as your daughter. I cannot stress enough how comfortable I am here, and this time for real. With my first family I sort of tricked myself into thinking that I was happy so I wouldn't complain, but here, I am fenomenal. We are the host-family ideal. And even my new grandparents have already seen me in my pajamas.
I still go to my same school, because I couldn't bare to leave my awesome friends. Everyday I wake up at 6:45 and leave the house at 7:45. (Waking up before eight is considered ungodly here. In North Carolina, I woke up at 5:30.) It takes us about 25 minutes in car to the metro stop Moncloa. From there I take three different trains for about 17 minutes to my school, or, if there's a strike in the Metro, my father can drop me off in his car. I arrive with minutes to spare until the school doors close at 8:28. For the return home I run and take the same Metro route back to Moncloa and catch the bus. The bus takes about 45 minutes. I eat lunch with my host brother at four, two hours after school gets out. The commute doesn't really bother me. I'm proud to say that I take at least three modes of transportation each day. And I always carpool!
I'm settled in well after my change, but, that said, there's still one question that is left to be answered: does changing host families ruin your exchange experience?
I'd say no. Now I believe that changing is always for the better. Just look at how much I have improved. If you're not happy with your family, try. If you've tried, change. There's no shame in it. It's not always your fault. At least you tried. That's the important part. If my host family hadn't 'kicked me out,' I probably would have asked to leave.
Does changing host families change your exchange experience?
Hell yes. If you're in a foreign country right now, and the biggest problem you are having is the language, you're the luckiest kid in the world.
If your life at home isn't good, you're whole year won't be as good as it could be. Sure, you may really enjoy school. But school only lasts for seven hours. It's possible that you love your friends. But they're not with you when you're with your HF. The people who you are living with have a huge impact on your life. But that doesn't always mean a bad thing. Obviously I have enjoyed these last three months, but not for the reasons that I should have. Your family may have good parts about them, but if they're not the parts that should be good, there is something going on that's not...good.
For example, with my old HF, I had a lot of independence. It was sort of like living on my own. If I needed to get somewhere, I'd better figure it out on Google maps. If I needed to apply for my visa, well, someone's gonna be doing a lot of paperwork! Need shampoo? Plan your scheduele after school to give you time to do that. Make mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving? Better go buy some potatoes and learn how to chop things. Oh, buy a Monthly-Metro-Card, you say? Don't speak Spanish, you say? Only five tries and two weeks. I did my metro card using only hand signals and the word 'gracias.' My time with them in the center of the city taught me to rely on myself and my abilities. At age fifteen I didn't have the help of my parents, who were 4,000 miles away. With this new family, however, I'll let them take care of some of my paperwork. It's good to be babied :)
Of course your experience will also change in the way that you see two different ways of life. Two different groups of friends, school, or, if the move is big, different cities. Does this ruin your time? No. It just toughens you up a little bit. I promise you'll come away from it a little bit wiser. A little more mature. It's actually fun. Change and different points of view are always good things.
To be perfectly truthful, about 8 of the 18 in the Madrid area have changed, are changing, or are going to change host families soon. It's a lot more common than we thought. Now you know. The host families in America are usually really good. Sometimes, though, in all of the world, things don't work out. It's just how it goes.
Now I'm glad that I changed. If you're thinking about changing, I'd say go for it. Also, chicos at home who are going abroad in the following years, please keep in mind that this doesn't always take place. Sometimes you get matched perfectly. Sometimes you don't. You shouldn't worry, but I know that this is a FES's worst nightmare. There will be a lot of things that don't go as you imagined. And there's nothing you can do. But that's life for yah.
There's nowhere to go but forward. I'm happy here in Las Rozas. I'm better, and I'm ready to make the best of the seven months that I have left.
