The Three Stages of Exchange

Dear Future Exchangers, please please please try and listen during the AFS orientations. They do actually offer some helpful advice.

I remember, not too long ago, lounging in my chair, freaking out about what my monthly budget would be as I excitedly planned which host family gifts I would stuff into my suitcase, when a lady in a neon colored AFS tshirt lectured me about something called the 'three stages of exchange.' I toned in for a little bit, got the general gist, then went back to daydreaming with my fellow silly, ignorant, sweetly oblivious students awaiting departure. Basically, the lady said something like this: "so, you'll be really upset in November. And the holidays will be hard. But I promise! It'll get better!" I just looked at her and thought "yeah, yeah, sure. My exchange is going to be perfect. I've got it all planned out. Don't you worry about me." as I innocently imagined that sticks full of honey for my new family would survive a 4,000 mile journey across the ocean.

Now, thanks to this awesome recourse afswiki.org I have been able to refresh myself as to what the volunteer said. It is all so true.

Stage One:OMG I'm in another country! Finally! I've waited and waited, and I did this extremely long application all for This. Moment. Right. Now!
This is called "the Honeymoon Phase," named after that post-wedding fantasy vacation. Everything is great. You think that as you try your first churro, or you visit the Prado Museum, you are learning about culture. Each day is new and exciting. You just met your Host Family, there's a rainbow in the sky, you're hopeful that your year, or your marriage, will be great.
Hahahahaaha, ohh, me oh myah, I was so stupid. We all were. Marriage is a commitment. It's hard. You'll see. You'll see...

Stage Two: Culture Shock. The things that were fun and eccentric last month are now dumb and unfuncional. You are doubting your experience here, problems begin to arise, and your lack of language skills isn't cute anymore. It's hard. Going in to month number two, I knew to prepare myself, so my month wasn't as bad. The feeling of being aware that you are slowly slipping out of the honeymoon is terifying. Like seeing the wave before the Tsunami hits. (Okay, it's not that bad, but you get the idea.)
The stage that I am in now is...challenging. Somedays I don't want to get out of my bed in the morning. Somedays I can't wait to get my shoes on and go exploring. The attitude that I have is: What right do I have to complain? I'm living in the center of Madrid. I like my friends, my school, I have three meals on the table, one of the best AFS liasons in the world, a family back home who loves me, and, come on, tell me that 'foreign exchange student at age fifteen' won't look good on college applications. There are people in the world who have it so much worse than me. I'm living a fairytale.
Returnees told be to keep an open mind and to expect nothing. I thought I had. It's like with birthdays: expect to get no presents, so if you don't get anything, you won't be upset. If you do get something, you'll be even happier.
I expected to have a hard time making friends. It was easy for me. I was pleasantly surprised. I expected math class to be a piece of cake. It isn't. Now I'm failing. I expected a relationship with my host family to be effortless. It wasn't. Now I'm working extra hard. Sure, I did a good job with not expecting stupid things, like what time we would eat dinner and if I would have my own bathroom. But those don't matter. They were the things I was stressed out about pre-departure and surprised by in my first month, but now they don't matter. You cannot be prepared. But the fact that you signed up to subject yourself to these challenges shows that you will get through them. Not every teenager can do this, you know. Semester Arrivals in December: everything will work out in the end.

Stage Three: Acceptance than Departure. Great! I'm happy here. I speak the language. I overcame the trifles of the first two stages. This is my home, this is my family. These are the people who I call my friends. And now it's time to leave. Whaaaaaat?
I am not looking forward to leaving. I can tell that my return in America will be hard. How can you live life normally, like a stupid American Teenager, when you just survived a year as a cultural barrier-breaker!?!?!?!?!

What to take away from this? I wish I had paid more attention. I wish that I had stopped planning my fantasy for long enough to embrace reality and prepare for it. I wish that someone had sat me down, smacked me in the face, and forced me to stop fooling around in my Honeymoon and work on setting good foundations for my new life. I also want to be reassured that it WILL get better. I know that it will.

*A note to everyone*
If you are interested in hosting or going abroad this year, you should definitely start the application now! Sometimes the paper work can seem a little overwhelming, but it is worth it in the long run. Don't worry, AFS always extends the application deadline by two weeks, anyway. (Oops, they'll be mad at me for saying that. Hi to the Volunteer who stalks my Blog to make sure I'm not posting profanities!) I'd be happy to help in any way that I can. Good luck! Go for it!

*A note to my Spanish Friends*
If you all really read my blog like you say you do, and you do actually understand all of the English, prove it to me at school tomorrow by coming up to me in Recreo and saying "Sally Sells Sea-shells by the Sea Shore" so that I know you are not lying.

*A note to fellow bloggers*
Does anyone know how to indent paragraphs? Really. I can't figure it out. I'll share my secret about bullet points. Thanks bye.